It always amazes me when God uses others to give me a green light to write on a delicate subject in one of my blog writings. It happened this week.
Last Sunday at IBBC-Riverside Pastor Sergio gave a moving message about the dangers of sin creeping into our Christian lives. His message was that we can become too comfortable, to complacent in our daily Christian walk, feeling that we are so secure in Christ - that temptation cannot snare us. And that is when we are most vulnerable.
After his message I shared with our fellowship how his message is not only very true - but that this messages has touched on a moment of weakness which occurred in my own personal life. I shared about that moment with my immediate church fellowship family, but decided it might be too personal to share with the world in a blog.
Then, yesterday my long time Christian brother, Friend, and solid rock counselor when I need spiritual advise, Pastor Joe de la Peña, posted a blog written by one of his young relatives, Ayessa de la Peña. And this young Christian lady seemed to echo the thoughts of this much older man, Bill Gray.
She wrote in her blog - and this is just an excerpt most applicable to my situation:
So, what great revelation did Pastor Sergio's message and Pastor Joe's Facebook post of Ayessa's blog stir within me? Glad you asked.
Prior to becoming a believer, I spent fifty years of my life following the secular society and wallowing in its worldly pleasures. Yes, I was into worldly parties, drinking, sexual desire supposedly fulfilled - all the "feel good - chase your tail" fun and desires which the secular world offered.
Then, at the age of fifty, in 1987, under the spiritual guidance and Godly love of Pastor Sam Lacanienta,I became a Christian believer. And my life began to change. Through Bible studies, corporate studies in the Fil-Am Church of Irvine (CA) fellowship, and personal studies - I began to grow in my knowledge of God's Word and in my daily Christian walk with Jesus Christ. In other words, I began to mature in my walk with Christ.
I could tell you that all those worldly things from my past no longer appealed for me - but that would not be true. Even as a believer, we have to take up the Full Armor of God (Ephesians 6:10-20) daily to protect ourselves from Satan's temptations and urges toward carnal desires. Even little things like telling off-colored jokes as I did in my pre-Christian days - at times almost slipped out. We have to be on constant watch against such things.
I recall an incident years ago, when walking into a client's office an object on his desk made me think of a joke I had often told in my earlier years - and without thinking, I almost went into it. But, praise God, the Holy Spirit within me stopped me. Yet, I have to admit the temptation was there and it almost slipped out.
Yes,I began to feel very secure in my faith and in my daily Christian walk - and that can, at times, lead to complacency, to being careless - just as Pastor Sergio warned in his message last Sunday. I had survived years since becoming a believer without Satan's temptations causing me any real problems. Hey, I must have him licked, I must be keeping old Satan in his place. Or so I thought.
Fast forward to the mid-1990s and I went to a computer show in Boston. I was staying in a hotel about two blocks from the convention center, so I enjoyed walking back and forth each day. Normally when I am staying in a hotel for days or, in this case, a week - I like to have snacks in my hotel room in case I get the munchies. So, the first day as I walked back to my hotel I passed a small market and decided to go in and buy my munchies.
Walking into the market I had to walk past their magazine rack - and there on that rack was a selection of the men's adult magazines I read for so many years before becoming a Christian believer. I wasn't expecting to see them in this small Mom & Pop market - I had no desire to look for a store which sold such magazines - I had not even thought of such magazines for years. But, there I was - face to face with them - and experiencing Satan's subtle temptation which he had slipped past my spiritual guard.
Yes, along with the munchies I had gone into the store to buy - I came out with several of those magazines. By the time I got back to my hotel room my spiritualcomplacency was shattered. I felt like a man who had been wearing a white suit - and then went wallowing in a pig sty. Yes, I felt very dirty, very sick in my heart - for I knew that Satan had caught me at a moment of weakness - and had led me into sinning against my Lord.
No, Satan did not force me to buy those magazines. He just put the temptation there in a moment when my guard was down, in a moment of spiritual weakness. And, for a moment he seemed to have won. But you and I know that the reason I began to feel so dirty, so soiled - is because the Holy Spirit was doing His job, He was convicting me (Ephesians 1:13, 4:30, John 16:7-11).
What was I to do? The number 3 suggestion in Ayessa's list above has the answer: "Delete and throw away all copies of movies, TV shows, books, and magazines that will only trigger lust. It is better to get these out of your sight than put yourself in a difficult situation in the future."
And that was my immediate thought. I could just throw those magazines in the trash can in my hotel room - but the temptation would still be there telling me, "Don't worry, Bill. It is just a small sin, just for today - you can enjoy them once again - and then you can get rid of them." No thank you, Satan. First of all, there is no "small sin" in the eyes of God. Sin is sin - and God hates sin.
I put those magazines back into the paper bag, left my hotel room, and walked about half a mile down the street until I found a trash dumpster. And, boy, was the content of my paper bag absolute trash? Yes, that was the appropriate place for such magazines - buried in a trash dumpster where I could not be tempted - and where no one else could stumble upon them and be tempted by Satan's magazines.
Now, let me share with you the greatest blessing from this messy episode? For the rest of that week I walked to and from the convention center - passing that store every day, twice a day - and I was NEVER tempted to go to that magazine rack again. Praise God I felt clean once again.
Yes, I have bared my soul to you. Just asAyessa bared her soul in the blog that she posted and that Pastor Joe shared. Pastor Sergio's message and Pastor Joe's sharing of Ayessa's blog - was a healing ointment for now I can share my story, prayerfully hoping that it will be the message some other believer needs to hear at this moment.
And, just as May Patam, wife of Pastor Charles Patam, shared with me way back in the early 1990s when we were discussing our Fil-Am Church of Irvine quarterly newsletter, published through the hard work of Fernando Cinco (now Pastor Fernando), who was distressed seeing most of them end up in the trash can after the service, "If one person, just one soul, is helped by the work of making the newsletter - then that is worth all the work."
And that conversation was the seed which began my years of eNewsletters, blogs, and apologetic dialogues.
God bless, have a wonderful, blessed day,
Bill
Last Sunday at IBBC-Riverside Pastor Sergio gave a moving message about the dangers of sin creeping into our Christian lives. His message was that we can become too comfortable, to complacent in our daily Christian walk, feeling that we are so secure in Christ - that temptation cannot snare us. And that is when we are most vulnerable.
After his message I shared with our fellowship how his message is not only very true - but that this messages has touched on a moment of weakness which occurred in my own personal life. I shared about that moment with my immediate church fellowship family, but decided it might be too personal to share with the world in a blog.
Then, yesterday my long time Christian brother, Friend, and solid rock counselor when I need spiritual advise, Pastor Joe de la Peña, posted a blog written by one of his young relatives, Ayessa de la Peña. And this young Christian lady seemed to echo the thoughts of this much older man, Bill Gray.
She wrote in her blog - and this is just an excerpt most applicable to my situation:
https://ayessadelapena.blogspot.com/2018/03/my-notes-on-not-even-hint-on-intimacy.html
This is a difficult thing to write, mainly because these issues hit close to home. I have a very imperfect past. All of us have. So reading Josh Harris' (book) "Not Even a Hint: Guarding Your Heart Against Lust" - was both enlightening and painful. Enlightening because I now understand this better, compared to when I first read the book at 18. And painful because, well, I've struggled with lust, too. I'm still struggling, to be honest, and God is still dealing with that part of my life.
Through this rough road, God has constantly reassured me that all my sins are already forgiven because Jesus paid for them when He was crucified. That when my Father looks at me, He sees nothing but the blood of Jesus whom He sent to bridge the gap between a perfect God and His sinful children. That I've become a new creation. That I can do nothing for Him to forgive me more and love me more. Jesus' work on the cross is complete and finished.
"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to Himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; that is, in Christ, God was reconciling the world to Himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation.
Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, God making His appeal through us. We implore you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God. For our sake He made Him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in Him we might become the righteousness of God." (2 Corinthians 5:17-21)
I am sharing these notes below - (after so many prayers and begging for God to please just keep this between me and Him, He finally told me to just write this) - because contrary to popular belief, women also struggle with lust. Just in a different way. Here's praying this will help those who are struggling with these same things, too, especially my fellow women of God.
Bill Gray Note: The points below are an abbreviated list of her notes for the sake of brevity:
1. Repent and ask God to come into your life as both Savior and Lord, knowing that He will complete and finish the good work He has started in you.
2. Recognize that it is only through Jesus that you will win the fight against sin. He has already won the fight on the cross when He gave up Himself that we may be reconciled to the Father.
3. Delete and throw away all copies of movies, TV shows, books, and magazines that will only trigger lust. It is better to get these out of your sight than put yourself in a difficult situation in the future.
Bill Gray Note: Further down in this blog, you will see that I can truly relate to point number 3.
4. In times of enemy attack, read the Bible and pray that God reveals Himself to you. Listen to what He has to say. Then cry your heart out to God and tell the enemy that God has already won your heart and its desires.
5. Seek to know God more and to have a deeper relationship with Him. When we understand who the God we're serving and worshiping is - the more we'll come to know how good and faithful He is. And slowly, He'll fill in the spaces of our hearts with love that will satisfy even the most desperate longings (sexual or not) we have.
So, what great revelation did Pastor Sergio's message and Pastor Joe's Facebook post of Ayessa's blog stir within me? Glad you asked.
Prior to becoming a believer, I spent fifty years of my life following the secular society and wallowing in its worldly pleasures. Yes, I was into worldly parties, drinking, sexual desire supposedly fulfilled - all the "feel good - chase your tail" fun and desires which the secular world offered.
Then, at the age of fifty, in 1987, under the spiritual guidance and Godly love of Pastor Sam Lacanienta,I became a Christian believer. And my life began to change. Through Bible studies, corporate studies in the Fil-Am Church of Irvine (CA) fellowship, and personal studies - I began to grow in my knowledge of God's Word and in my daily Christian walk with Jesus Christ. In other words, I began to mature in my walk with Christ.
I could tell you that all those worldly things from my past no longer appealed for me - but that would not be true. Even as a believer, we have to take up the Full Armor of God (Ephesians 6:10-20) daily to protect ourselves from Satan's temptations and urges toward carnal desires. Even little things like telling off-colored jokes as I did in my pre-Christian days - at times almost slipped out. We have to be on constant watch against such things.
I recall an incident years ago, when walking into a client's office an object on his desk made me think of a joke I had often told in my earlier years - and without thinking, I almost went into it. But, praise God, the Holy Spirit within me stopped me. Yet, I have to admit the temptation was there and it almost slipped out.
Yes,I began to feel very secure in my faith and in my daily Christian walk - and that can, at times, lead to complacency, to being careless - just as Pastor Sergio warned in his message last Sunday. I had survived years since becoming a believer without Satan's temptations causing me any real problems. Hey, I must have him licked, I must be keeping old Satan in his place. Or so I thought.
Fast forward to the mid-1990s and I went to a computer show in Boston. I was staying in a hotel about two blocks from the convention center, so I enjoyed walking back and forth each day. Normally when I am staying in a hotel for days or, in this case, a week - I like to have snacks in my hotel room in case I get the munchies. So, the first day as I walked back to my hotel I passed a small market and decided to go in and buy my munchies.
Walking into the market I had to walk past their magazine rack - and there on that rack was a selection of the men's adult magazines I read for so many years before becoming a Christian believer. I wasn't expecting to see them in this small Mom & Pop market - I had no desire to look for a store which sold such magazines - I had not even thought of such magazines for years. But, there I was - face to face with them - and experiencing Satan's subtle temptation which he had slipped past my spiritual guard.
Yes, along with the munchies I had gone into the store to buy - I came out with several of those magazines. By the time I got back to my hotel room my spiritualcomplacency was shattered. I felt like a man who had been wearing a white suit - and then went wallowing in a pig sty. Yes, I felt very dirty, very sick in my heart - for I knew that Satan had caught me at a moment of weakness - and had led me into sinning against my Lord.
No, Satan did not force me to buy those magazines. He just put the temptation there in a moment when my guard was down, in a moment of spiritual weakness. And, for a moment he seemed to have won. But you and I know that the reason I began to feel so dirty, so soiled - is because the Holy Spirit was doing His job, He was convicting me (Ephesians 1:13, 4:30, John 16:7-11).
What was I to do? The number 3 suggestion in Ayessa's list above has the answer: "Delete and throw away all copies of movies, TV shows, books, and magazines that will only trigger lust. It is better to get these out of your sight than put yourself in a difficult situation in the future."
And that was my immediate thought. I could just throw those magazines in the trash can in my hotel room - but the temptation would still be there telling me, "Don't worry, Bill. It is just a small sin, just for today - you can enjoy them once again - and then you can get rid of them." No thank you, Satan. First of all, there is no "small sin" in the eyes of God. Sin is sin - and God hates sin.
I put those magazines back into the paper bag, left my hotel room, and walked about half a mile down the street until I found a trash dumpster. And, boy, was the content of my paper bag absolute trash? Yes, that was the appropriate place for such magazines - buried in a trash dumpster where I could not be tempted - and where no one else could stumble upon them and be tempted by Satan's magazines.
Now, let me share with you the greatest blessing from this messy episode? For the rest of that week I walked to and from the convention center - passing that store every day, twice a day - and I was NEVER tempted to go to that magazine rack again. Praise God I felt clean once again.
Yes, I have bared my soul to you. Just asAyessa bared her soul in the blog that she posted and that Pastor Joe shared. Pastor Sergio's message and Pastor Joe's sharing of Ayessa's blog - was a healing ointment for now I can share my story, prayerfully hoping that it will be the message some other believer needs to hear at this moment.
And, just as May Patam, wife of Pastor Charles Patam, shared with me way back in the early 1990s when we were discussing our Fil-Am Church of Irvine quarterly newsletter, published through the hard work of Fernando Cinco (now Pastor Fernando), who was distressed seeing most of them end up in the trash can after the service, "If one person, just one soul, is helped by the work of making the newsletter - then that is worth all the work."
And that conversation was the seed which began my years of eNewsletters, blogs, and apologetic dialogues.
God bless, have a wonderful, blessed day,
Bill
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